Mothering and constant learning

Train up a child in the way he should go; even when he is old he will not depart from it. (Proverbs 22:6 ESV)

In the financial world, there is a lot of information on how to manage your money, how to use your talents to earn more of it, how to invest it, and how to keep more of it. Even with all this information, there are people who go through life never benefitting from an education on how best to take care of their money.

In fact, despite the extensive availability of digital resources on the subject, the vast majority of people manage money the same way they were taught growing up. Often, this is very little. This lack of financial education is partly because economics, taxes, and money management is not taught in schools.

Another topic for which there is copious education online and in books is the topic of child-rearing and mothering. Despite all the mothering information available, the vast majority of people have children with absolutely no preparation for the process of raising them and getting them educated. There is no formal curriculum for mothering. This is not promising for our future.

With your money, it is never too late to change because whenever you come to your senses, you can change your money trajectory. At any time. But with mothering children, the problem is, you are time-barred. They turn 18 very quickly. After that, if you perceive yourself to have failed, reading the books on how it should have been done is often too painful.

I once overheard a mother and grandmother having a loud argument in a grocery store. The mother looked young, not much more than 20 years old. The toddler was acting out, and mom took her out of the cart and was trying to soothe her with some gentle words. The toddler was not having it. Grandmother demanded that mom hand over the toddler. Mom refused and continued in her attempts. Grandmother then told mom:

“You think you know everything. I have raised 5 children, and I know a thing or two.”

Mom ignored her. The grandmother then stated:

“Give me that child, you have no idea what you are doing. Let the expert show you.”

All while trying to physically take the child. Then the young mom roared …..

“What experience are you talking about? One of your sons is in jail, one is on drugs, and one of us had a baby when they were 14. What experience exactly?”

I just stood there, astonished at what just happened. 

It was clear that this young mom was doing some reading. It is unlikely that she would have reacted like this if she was not educating herself in some way. This is because mothering methods tend to be passed down from one generation to the next. Sometimes, it looks different on the surface because the circumstances are different especially in terms of finances. But, mothering is very intimately and thoroughly related to how one was mothered. We can all agree that there is much to learn on this topic.

Raise your hand if you felt completely overwhelmed and worried when you first brought your newborn home. Panicked when you realized that a human being is utterly and completely dependent on YOU.

Somehow, you must turn this infant into an 18-year-old who has strong moral values, is resilient, kind, can succeed in the workplace, can work with others, and has integrity. Oh, and also, this 18-year-old needs to be able to lead important things when they are 35 years old. Well, many of us were not yet 35 when we brought home our first baby. Maybe you felt like I did, like I couldn’t lead anything much less show another human being how it’s done.

Take time to educate yourself about the best ways to mother your children. There is no cookie-cutter way to do this. Your methods will be very much colored by your own culture and upbringing. Blending of parenting between two individuals who have vastly different childhood experiences is a process. Even with these differences, there are some principles that are common.

The best time to familiarize yourself with mothering skills is before you have children. If not, once you have a child, it becomes imperative that you do. Mostly, you want to be able to recognize when a change is needed, like when you realize you may not be doing it correctly.

The sowing and reaping principle is very active here. Plant good seeds into your children, and tend your garden well.