Mothers Finding Balance: Meet Rebecca

Interview with Rebecca. October 18, 2020

My training is in accounting, but I am not doing this right now. I am teaching English as a second language to high school students.
I love numbers, and I love stories. In accounting, numbers tell stories.
Straight out of university, I was hired by a major accounting firm. Soon afterwards, I moved into banking and rose through the ranks quite fast. I was given a lot of responsibility quite quickly. I really enjoyed what I was doing, but it entailed long hours.
During this time, I got pregnant with our first child, and my husband landed an overseas job. When this happened, my boss asked me if I was going to stay with the bank. I was torn, but ultimately, I decided that it was best for my family if I joined my husband in Hong Kong. My boss was amazing, she was able to facilitate a transfer for me to Hong Kong working in one of the branches there. She told me “since you are such an asset, good staff, let me see if there is an opportunity for you to continue working for us there.” This was such a providential arrangement for which I was very grateful. Because I had partial expatriate terms, I had the opportunity to travel back home to Uganda frequently but, I could not take advantage of this because of the amount of work involved.

A couple of things were happening during this time. First, my husband and baby daughter were taking advantage of the frequent trips back home and I could not. Second, I had extremely long hours. I remember coming home one night, my husband had just fed the baby and put her back to bed. He was shocked and confused at the time I was getting home. So, I was leaving home before my daughter woke up, and returning after she was in bed. Sometimes I would not see my daughter for days.

My contract in Hong Kong ended and I returned to Uganda. By now we had two children. My husband was still working in Hong Kong and I was with the children in Uganda. Though I had a lot of help with the children from my family members, what effectively was happening was that the children were seeing neither of their parents. Dad was in Hong Kong, and mom was working long hours. This situation was not tenable. At this point, my husband says “just come and let us see how we can work this out.” I resigned from the bank. The children and I joined my husband.

I got some part time work, teaching. I realized I was enjoying this. It is perfect. The salary is decent although I cannot compare it to the finance world. But, I’m home in the evenings and get all school holidays off.

The common link here is stories. Even when I was in the finance world, I always saw the stories that the numbers were telling. Now in my teaching, I use stories a lot. The students really enjoy it, I think. And I am reading again. I am also writing. I have published one children’s book and I am part of a writers’ club that meets monthly.

I feel that I am making a difference. I especially enjoy explaining a difficult concept through stories. I have always been a story teller. I remember as a child writing stories for my sisters.
Numbers brought me to Hong Kong, but stories kept me here.

I have a busy job, it keeps me engaged. I want to do more writing. I do think about my life in finance, but I am satisfied that this is where I need to be right now. I am active in my children’s lives, and I am active in my church. This is important to me.
I have had to do a lot of learning in my mothering journey. My first child is a girl. She made mothering so easy. I kept thinking, “what are people talking about? This mothering thing is a piece of cake!” Then, my son came along. First of all, I do not have any brothers. My husband kept having to tell me “that is what boys do, let them be boys.” Toys that had lived in pristine condition with my daughter were soon dissected, ‘repaired’ and generally destroyed. My son is still pushing boundaries. The important thing to remember is that the children are not your peers. You do not handle things with the children the same way you would a friend. You are their mother. I now have three children but feel I am not as patient a mother as I should be. My daughter is a now a teenager . My elder son is brilliant, but rather disorganized. It is a learning process. Never stop learning how to parent each individual child.

Some things are important to us and take precedence in a lot of decision making as a family. Knowing their grandparents and interacting with them and our extended family is important. We make this a priority at every opportunity. Church is also very important. I want them to know what we believe as a family. Culture is also important. They need to be in touch with their people. Zero connection with your culture is bad. They properly identify with their people, but they are global citizens. They are proud of who they are. We tell them that Uganda is not perfect, but it is where their people are. It is from there that they will spread their wings.

What would I tell younger mothers? Enjoy each stage. They will not be that age long. Learn to forgive yourself. Tolerate the untidy house. The more mundane tasks you do, the less you enjoy the day to day. Be present. If you have choices, do something lighter, work that will not keep you away from your family. This does not mean you stay at home, although it could. Evaluate all your choices and do what is best for you and your family.

The one thing I would do differently is that I would delegate more. When you are young, you think you are indispensable. People are happy to help and to get these opportunities as long as you give them credit for the work that they do.

Rebecca. Accountant, teacher.

It is a common thread among mothers who have a career. The need to make a choice is a real thing for mothers. For the most part, dads do not go through the same turmoil. Notice that Rebecca’s children always had good care. She was never concerned about child care issues, and yet she felt the need to be more present. To be an intimate part of her children’s lives. I went through this myself. One time, my sister in law was visiting and I had several late days in the clinic. She asked me “Patricia, is this your life?” It was a wake up call. Shortly after that, I changed jobs. Still the same work, but much better hours that allowed me to be present. To be an integral part of my children’s lives. Rebecca teaches us that sometimes you do not know where your joy could be found if you do not actively seek it. List your priorities and use the list to make decisions.